How I Try To Get Gods To Bribe Me

I have always wanted pets when I was young. Cats, dogs, rabbits... etc furry things, and fish doesn't count because they don't run to you when you called their names, and I'm not even sure if fishes have ears.

But my brother had asthma, and my parents diagnosed that I have mild asthma too but I'm quite convinced mine is fake because I faked the symptoms and I just craved the attention.

After constant pleading and persuading, it finally hit me that I was going nowhere if I were to work this out with my parents. Thus, I need to find someone who has higher authority than my parents, at that time, I could only think of God.

Being a seven year old then, there were only a few that I could think of, them being Jesus, Allah and Buddha. 

And so one day, I was struck by a brilliant and fool-proof idea whilst in the toilet taking a dump. I was going to make a deal with the Gods, I thought. Since there are so much controversial on who is the real God and who is the fake, I was going to take advantage of this situation. So mentally, I spoke to them. 

"Hey Jesus, I know you want people to believe in you  and I do want to believe in you but you have to show me that you really exist. You have to give me a puppy then I'll believe in your existence. I know you are real, but have to show some proof ok? Peace out dude. "

Ok, maybe I didn't say peace out dude, but the rest is definitely true and I did mentally  bribe  made an agreement with Jesus so that I could get a puppy.

I wanted a cat as well, but I couldn't ask too much because it would make me look greedy and Jesus would know that I only wanted the pets, not asking for proof that he is real. So I tried it with Allah too. I went:

"Hi Allah, I know you have to compete with the rest of the other religions who claimed they are the true God, but if you give me a cat, I will believe in you. I know you're real, but you need to show me, then I believe you. "

And of course, not forgetting my lovely rabbits:

" Hi Buddha, it's me. You need to show me you are real by giving me rabbits or else I'm not sure if you are real and I'll have trouble believing in you. I know you're real but you've gotta give me some proof."

I was afraid of offending the Gods, so I made sure to tell them I know they are real and they just have to proof it to me. I was worried they might think I was doubting them so I need to reassure that I 'know that they are real'.

It was a great plan at that time. 

The seven-year-old me imagined that all the Gods will fight to be the first to give me my pet dog, rabbit and cat to earn my trust and belief. And I would appear totally innocent because I just wanted to proof their existence, not greedy for pets. I would have my pets in no time, and my parents can't do shit about it because the Gods wants me to have it, and they are almighty so my parents will just have to live with it.

Apparently I over-estimated my membership into a religion. Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into years but none of my wishes were granted. 

When I finally had my first pet dog at last, it was about 6 years later, and no, it didn't turn me into a believer. The following years, the rabbits and cats joined the family.

But I didn't say, ok you prove your point, I believed in you. It was several years too late anyway, so it didn't count. But I don't think any God would be condemn a seven year old's silly little bribing scheme, because Gods are awesome and forgiving. All of them. 

So that was how I tried to get Gods to bribe me when I was a seven year old. It was a silly conversation in the toilet, a little seven year old trying to get the Gods to bribe her, but I'm glad I wasn't struck by lightning for trying to get them to bring me pets. And don't judge me because I was seven year old then.